I Was Lost. Now, I’m Found!

My sweet, precious, lovely Savior,

I was lost. So very lost. I didn’t think I was. I thought all was well, but oh…how I was so, so very wrong.
I am a dim-witted sheep. Yet I am beloved. Why? I still don’t understand. But I know now, I am loved.

–––

I had wandered off.
I thought I knew the way.
I don’t have a good excuse, really.
Frankly, it’s a bit of a blur to me.

Your voice, You were calling to me, I knew You were.
But I covered my ears and I ran faster.
I don’t really even know why…other than, I thought I knew the way better than You.

I didn’t.
Clearly.

I got all tangled up.
My wool got all dirty and matted.
I hate getting dirty, but I pressed on anyway.
I was determined.
The slopes kept getting steeper, the branches gouged me deeper.
I became weary and sad.
So very sad.

My mind became confused.
My heart, cold.
I got frustrated.
Everything was messy, so very messy.
I was a mess.
And I, for the first time in my life, despaired.

I, determined, turned around.
I tried to find my way back to You.
My heart, racing.
My mind, frantic.
My wee little legs trembling.
I, suddenly, became frighted.
I was scared.
Deathly afraid.

Running in circles, I cried out to You, the One and only good and faithful Shepherd.
But, realizing I couldn’t hear You, realizing I was so far away from You, I panicked.

I yelled louder.
I became more persistent.
I tried to retrace my steps.
But everything looked the same.
Everything had become blurry.
I realized, suddenly, I had become blind.
Completely blind.

And so, I baaed even louder still.
O, my soul!
I had lost my only Hope!
I…became terribly fearful.
I didn’t consider myself, beloved, anymore.
I…was ashamed.

I stopped baaing.
My throat had become hoarse.
It was no use.
I had become too weak to think, or say anything.

I collapsed.
And cried.
I wept. My sheepish body, shook.
I was already low, was lying prostrate on the ground.
And yet, I wanted to get lower still.

I gave up.

And then…

Even though I had become blind, I opened my eyes, once more.
Something startled me.
Perhaps it was a breeze?

I thought I saw something.
Did I?
I couldn’t see a blasted thing.
Nothing, definitely.
Just a tiny hint of light, off in the distance.

Was it Him?
Had He come?
Surely…not for…me?

No, He wouldn’t be looking for me.
Not now.
Not after all I had done.
Not after I had run away.

No.
He must be looking for another one of His beloved sheep.
Yes, I convinced myself as such.
That would make plain sense.

But…and I weep, just recalling it to memory, now.
O, soul; be still.

He called out to me!
I don’t quite even know how, exactly.
For I had become completely blind and deaf.

But…

Suddenly, slowly, I began to see again.
My hearing, albeit awful still, started to return, just a little.
I was in a daze.
I was a poor, pathetic, lamb.
Hardly worth even a notice; a glance, an ounce of effort for a passerby to consider.
I was, in my own eyes, good for nothing.
My wool was no longer useful.
I had betrayed the One who considered me His own.
And, yet…

He found me.

I…weep, once more, thinking of it.
I weep, still.
Still, do I weep.

He said to me: “fear not, my beloved.”
He scooped me up, and held me close to His chest.
He carried me away from that dark and gloomy place.

I could use all kinds of fancy words like: “mercy”, “grace”, “forgiveness”, etc.
But…
Right now, although they are all true, and real, and lovely…
All I can think about, just now, is…He found me.
That’s all that matters.

He found me!

O, soul! We’re not lost anymore!
We’re in the strong, but gentle, arms of our Beloved!
The good Shepherd.
Our, good Shepherd.

That’s all that matters now, yes?
For we know that we are safe, now.
We know that He cares for us, still.
We are His beloved.

Once, I was lost.
Now, I am found!

So, I rejoice!
I tell Him “thank you”…or I try to anyways.
Mostly, I just let out timid, pleasant-sounding, baas.
And I nestle in closer to Him.

All is well, now.

You see, beloved?