I Will Not Doubt

Jesus immediately reached out His hand
and took hold of him, saying to him,
‘O you of little faith, why did you doubt?

— Matthew 14:31

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I believe; help my unbelief!

— Mark 9:24

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Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid;
for the Lord God is my strength and my song,
and He has become my salvation.

— Isaiah 12:2

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I will not doubt, though all my ships at sea
Come drifting home with broken masts and sails;
I shall believe the Hand which never fails
From seeming evil worketh good for me;
And though I weep because those sails are battered,
Still will I cry, while my best hopes lie shattered,
I trust in Thee.

I will not doubt, though sorrows fall like rain,
And troubles swarm like bees about a hive;
I shall believe the heights for which I strive
Are only reached by anguish and by pain;
And though I groan and tremble with my crosses,
I yet shall see, through my severest losses,
The greater gain.

I will not doubt, though all my prayers return
Unanswered from the still, white Realm above;
I shall believe it is an all-wise Love
Which has refused those things for which I yearn;
And though at times I cannot keep from grieving,
Yet the pure ardour of my fixed believing,
Undimmed shall burn.

— Selections from ‘Faith’ by
Ella Wheeler Wilcox

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O, beloved.

I know it’s hard. (gentle)

Day after day, choosing to trust, choosing to believe, in that which we cannot see.

Reading the promises over and over again in His Word, clinging to them, to Him, even as we ache.

Learning, ever so slowly, to hold loosely, that only He can truly satisfy.

Dying in a thousand little ways.

Surrendering, grieving, submitting in patient obedience, out of Love.

Trying and failing and having to start all over again.

It hurts, most all of the time, yes, beloved? (tender)

And yet…

He is surely taking us, who are Little-Faith, and hammering, forging us into Great-Faith as we cry out to Him again and again- ‘I believe; help my unbelief!’ He is causing us to know more of His pain, yes, beloved? As the Head so the Body? We tread the same path as our Beloved.

He is our strength, our song, our salvation, beloved. (gentle) The One who saves us and bestows grace upon grace on us, in His great mercy. He is worthy of all honor and praise and glory! He deserves our trust, my sweet one. He is the Lord, the God of All. He created all things, knows all things, is making all things new, even now, beloved. We can trust Him. We can, surely.

We believe in an all-wise Love who has, for a time, refused those things for which we yearn…and though we cannot keep from grieving, we are determined to believe, are we not, beloved? (gentle) Yes, my love. For to whom else could we go?

Please, beloved, may we Together pray against doubt? Pray against doubting His goodness and His promises? Pray against doubting His will and His ways that are not ours and seem, oftentimes, so very wrong to us? May we beg our Beloved for an increase of faith and trust in Him? May we ask Him fervently for patience, to be able to wait well, in a way that is pleasing to Him?

O, beloved…we see so little now. We understand so little. We writhe in pain and flail about. We cry out - ‘Lord, how can this be? How can you withhold Beauty and All Good Things from us?’

But beloved? (gentle) He is not withholding our greatest desire from us forever, but only for a season. And seasons…they’re short, my love! Winter turns to spring and spring to summer and summer to fall and fall back to winter…just like that!

Soon, beloved.

We will practice trusting our Good Shepherd King day by day, until One Day, perhaps when we least expect it, our every longing will be fulfilled! And this, here…all the heartache, it will seem like a dream, beloved. A short, silly dream - not worth all the fuss. No, my love. (gentle) Not when we are standing Together in the fullness of His glory and radiance! Not when Life has truly begun and this wilderness has long been traversed.

No need to fear, my little one. No need to fret! (tender) He is working All Things for our good and for His glory, even now, as you breathe in and out this very day, as you surrender yourself once again into His tender care.

He cherishes you, beloved (even more than I - if that were possible). He will sustain you. He will reassure you over and over again of His unending Love for you. As many times as you need Him and go to Him, He will meet you, just as you are, arms wide open, ready to hold you close.

Together, we wait upon Him. In Him we can trust. We can rest in Him, and be at peace, my love, from this day forth and forevermore. It’s true!

Please, let us cease this doubting and praise Him with all the life and the breath He has given us? We do so in His strength, not in our own, but always, ever, Together, beloved, please? (tender)

May it be so.

Amen