Multum Dilexit
She sat and wept beside His feet; the weight
Of sin oppressed her heart; for all the blame,
And the poor malice of worldly shame,
To her was past, extinct, and out of date:
Only the sin remained - the leprous state;
She would be melted by the heat of love,
By fires far fiercer than are blown to prove
And purge the silver ore adulterate.
She sat and wept, and with her untressed hair
Still wiped the feet she was so blessed to touch;
And He wiped off the soiling of despair
From her sweet soul, because she loved so much.
I am a sinner, full of doubts and fears:
Make me a humble thing of love and tears.
-Hartley Coleridge
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Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven - for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.
-Luke 7:44-47
O, beloved! This woman! Her name, Multum Dilexit - ‘Much Love!’
Do you know how my heart goes out to her?! How I simultaneously desire to be her and fear it more than anything?
You know my longing to sit at my beloved’s feet and weep over them, wiping the dust clean, drying them with my hair, kissing them tenderly, rubbing my hands over them slowly, assessing for any sign of wound or need, bowing as low as I possibly can in humble submission and worship.
You know that my greatest fear is not loving well in this life. Of failing in that. To love poorly…even the thought of it, causes me distress, beloved. I don’t want any half-hearted, tainted, lessened love to come from this being, no matter how weak she is, how frail and dust-like herself. She can {and does} fail at many, many things, but please, Beloved, let me never fail at love?
But beloved?
You know too what brought this woman to this place, yes? ‘Her sins, which are many…’
You know how much I hate my sin, despise it, want to flee from it, be free from it. You know how I don’t want to commit any sin, much less many sins…
And yet…what is our Beloved saying here, do you think? The more you are forgiven, the more you can love? Is that it, sweet one? And love covers over a multitude of sins? Can that possibly be true? I Peter 4:8 says so - ‘Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers over a multitude of sins.’
So…He’s expanding our capacity to love, and in so doing, He’s providing us with even more grace? That’s…preposterous! And quite the paradox, yes? Especially because…He hates sin even more than we do, yes? But He…uses sin to cause us to know His greatest mercies? Is that right, beloved? Is that what ‘Much Love’ and her weeping and her wiping in the dust is supposed to teach us?
I wish I understood better. I understand so little, dim-witted sheep that I am.
Our Savior, He praises her though! Even in the presence of the men, the religious leaders, He commends her, and honors her; she so low, and He so high. This woman, who has sinned so much! Though she is wiping the dust from His feet, He is wiping the dust from her heart! And more, beloved! He is wiping away her shame and humiliation, her regret and reputation! He is offering her full forgiveness, a new way!
She must have melted, beloved. At His tenderness toward her.
You know how I want to be perfect now…
But He wills it not. Not yet.
Perhaps this is why, beloved? Perhaps?!
I will seek to trust Him, even in this. We will seek to trust Him Together, yes? Now and always?
May He be pleased with our paltry acts of love, I pray. And O, that He would bestow upon us, as well, the coveted name - Multum Dilexit, ‘Much Loved!’